“Dracula 2000” could be more accurately titled “Dracula: The MTV Special”. It has more in common with S-Club 7 than Bram Stoker. Not that I mind a modern updating, but this grossly predictable nonsense is lame, unscary and decidedly unhip. Christopher Plummer is Professor Van Helsing (still ticking after all these years), who keeps the ancient bloodsucker Dracula encased in a coffin to ensure he is never unleashed again. But a team of “professional” thieves (led by Omar Epps), who expect to find untold treasures, break into the vault and take the sealed coffin as loot. Sure enough, Dracula (here played by newcomer Gerard Butler) breaks free and begins a search for a young woman (Justine Waddell) with whom he shares a personal connection; en route he snacks on hot babes like Jennifer Espisito (from TV’s “Spin City”), Jeri Ryan (TV’s “Boston Public”) and Collen Fitzpatrick (better-known as singer Vitamin C), who give vampirism some definite sex appeal. All of these plot contrivances border on idiotic. Despite a few nice touches (like the vault break-in), “Dracula 2000” is written without flair. It’s rather exasperating to see a film miss on so many levels.

Jonny Lee Miller (“Trainspotting”) is the boring British hero, whose chief characteristic is that he wants to rescue the damsel in distress. The ladies will likely adore Butler, despite the fact that he is not menacing nor frightening as the notorious Count. Plummer, the one veteran of the cast, acquits himself well as Van Helsing, especially given the surrounding lunacy. Everyone else is a casualty of “Dracula 2000”, which just gets sillier and sillier until the Biblical (*cough*) conclusion. In essence: Dracula legend x modern “Scream” treatment = something that could have been fun, but sure isn’t.